I knew that my beard could cover my neck, cheeks and jawline was when I went for a second shave. Before my first shave, a humble streak of beard hair covered my jawline and there was a slithery moustache. I looked awful to say the least. In my cousin brother’s wedding, I was persuaded to get my beard and moustache shaved off. It was my first time, and it felt good. It felt as good as getting my hair trimmed after they had grown longer than a shrub.

After that, I got my beard shaved in a salon. Soon, I was encouraged to take care of my beard business at home. I got myself a kit – which had all the items a man could ask for. I love shaving my beard, and I love growing my beard. I love the sensation of my fingers getting lost in my beard. Of course, for that to happen, my beard should be at least an inch long. Alas, that happens quite rarely.

When folks see me with a lush beard, they question my religious affiliation. I want to tell them that the folks in my religion tend to grow their beard beyond a foot’s length, but I refrain. On other days, I get told that my beard is unkempt and wild. Frankly, I see that as a compliment. Off late, my bearded look is discouraged because it reminds folks of my glory days. So, overall, I don’t have an issue shaving my beard but I do, someday, want to grow a beard so magnificent that monks would see me as one of their kind.

Recently, I shaved my reasonably lush beard after letting it grow for a month. This time, strangely, I was able to see how beard and identity is connected. I mean, imagine this. Shape the beard and get rid of the beard on my neck; you’ll get a rich brat look. Let it grow untamed, and you get a Sikh look. Remove just the moustache and retain the beard, and you’re a de-facto Muslim.

No no, whatever you know or whatever you say doesn’t make a difference. We associate items with identities so much. Imagine if I removed my moustache, retained my beard and applied sandalwood paste on my forehead. The sandalwood paste smeared on my forehead says that I’m a Hindu; but the beard says that I’m a Muslim. The imagery would be so jarring that your mind would crash and perform a hard-reset.

Going on, keep just the moustache and remove all semblance of a beard; you get a middle-class working-man look. Now, remove the moustache and keep just a part of it like Hitler used to; now you’re a parody or a tragedy (depending on who watches you).

Beards, like clothes, define us. And this is intentional, not in a demeaning way. Back then, when religion was not even there, tribes had their own way of identifying themselves. They used totems, tattoos, scars, and any other accessory that would help set them apart. No human is an island; every human thrives in a tribe or society. And a society needs an identifier. Let me take India’s history as a case-study. The ones who believe in Shiva smear their forehead with ashes. The ones who believe in Narayana smear their forehead with sandalwood paste or turmeric paste (yellow is what they’re going for). The ones who believe in Devi (Mother Goddess) smear their forehead with vermilion powder or paste. So, if any of them cross each other’s paths, all the concerned parties will be aware of each other’s religious affiliations. The same applies to Jains, Buddhists, Muslims, Christians, Jews, and any other religious groups I have missed mentioning.

Fly a bit higher to get a bird’s eye view on how countries identify themselves with their flags and uniforms. The pattern is seen everywhere. So, it is only natural that a controllable natural attribute should be used as an identifier – like hair, nails, skin, and teeth among others.

So, in the course of half hour, I changed my identities multiple times. I was a Hindu, a new-found Sikh, a spoilt brat, a Muslim, a working-class man, and a parody of Chaplin. I came out as another version of myself – with no moustache and beard. Maybe this is how spies work. They mimic identifying characteristics of the tribe they want to infiltrate, know their ways, and believe that they are part of the tribe already. Bah, I’m happy the way I am – with beard, or without beard. Technically, I’m happy with beard. But, both have their own virtues that I don’t want to miss out on. So yeah, I’m happy with or without it. That way, I’m living the best of both worlds.

We have always yearned to express. Be it the cave paintings or handprints or even the posts in social media, we express – thoughts, desires, opinions, truths, anything and everything.

Sure, words are great. But paintings and drawings are something else. A painting is worth a thousand words; Eddie Redmayne wrote an impressive essay on the IKB (a shade of blue). And, drawing is the one thing that creatively connects us to our long lost foreparents. Go on, make a handprint – that has been done by your foreparents too.

In India, long before we had proper houses and paper, we used to make our own easel by smearing a section of wall with dung. Then we would smear a layer of limestone powder.

Once dried, we would recreate religious stories and cultural themes. Think of Warli paintings.

During Navratri, something similar is done in my home. We use a piece of chart paper of course. We draw a simplistic house and draw a trident signifying the Goddess. This drawing is often made by mixing vermilion with clarified butter. The drawing is the cornerstone of our worship for 9 days, and is drawn again everytime we celebrate this festival.

I thought of making my own drawing of sort. I wanted it to be an image of the masculine spirit – like the one in Puri. As seen in the result, the drawing that i made digitally is gender-fluid. I liked the way the eyes turned out – i wanted them to be wide open, but non-threatening. For some of you who have not been exposed to these kinds of drawings, it might look ominous. But it’s not. The way i see it, the drawing tries to capture the way i think Gods and Goddesses appear – fluid, shape-shifting, as observant as aloof, and a summation of contradictions.

This is not something i drew today. I drew it a year or two back. I was searching for words to write, when i present this piece. Even now, i feel like I’m missing something significant. I’m sure i haven’t been able to express all that i want to express.

Maybe the image speaks for itself, maybe not.

– Drawn on ArtFlow (android)