Tag Archives: friendship

I am happy to be

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Last Sunday, I got a message from my dear friend which made me smile from ear to ear.

It is words like these that I live for, that keeps me going.

I… I no longer think I’m lonely. I am proud to say it.

I prefer being left alone sometimes, but lonely? No. I’m not lonely anymore.

In all these years I lived and all the lives I shared my life with; I earned quite a handful of gold.

I earned a few tears that I hope will be shed when I depart.

I earned a shoulder or two to rest my head upon and silently cry.

I earned a lap where I could place my head and sleep a dreamless sleep like a child.

I… I earned compassion from strangers who held out their hands and pulled me out of the depths, not expecting anything in return but an assurance that I will live on.

I’ll be honest. I’m having trouble writing my thoughts, to the extent that I’m listening to ‘Start a riot‘ on loop for the past half hour just to keep myself in the zone. It’s been months together when I last wrote. I feel like starting to walk after lying in bed for a decade. A twitch at a time, a letter at a time.

I am finding myself again, finding my muse. And I’m alone in my journey, but not for a moment will I have to worry about being lonely. Because I am not. I have souls around me, far away from me, close to me and at the other side of the river – souls who care for me like I once cared for myself.

I am seeing the world around me with a fresh set of eyes. Sure, there are moments when I feel being pulled down in the darkness – when someone does not pick up the call, or when someone disapproves my request to get myself a chocolate – but I understand that I have to get back up and make my way down the untamed road like nothing happened. I will crawl out, dust myself, suit up, and continue walking on the road that leads to my father’s home.

I walk with an occasional slouch, but with my chin held up as I try to tap my feet in sync to the tune playing in my head.

I feel the Sun’s rays on my cheek and forehead. It comforts me. I look in the eyes of the Sun and smile. I bow to Him, smile again and continue walking, not caring whether people around me were watching me with bewilderment.

I am happy to be. I am.

I look back and see my people having my back. I feel extremely vulnerable, they know things about me which could destroy me. They have my kryptonite. Yet, I feel at peace with them. Even if they decide to throw a wrecking ball in my way, I’ll face it with open arms and watch it break my will and hope. Murphy’s Law.

It would be pretentious to even assume that my people will be with me for ever. When the night falls, even your shadow abandons you to become one with the darkness. But I’ll cherish their presence till the time they choose to stay. And I will be forever ready to help anyone in need.

It is true that a person lives for itself, that it’s very body breathes not for anyone else but itself. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t need that occasional warmth exuded by a bear hug.

I’m tired of being looked up to, sometimes. I don’t want to emulate anyone, I am a man of my own making – for a change, let me be without having to fulfil someone’s expectations.

Sometimes; it gets dark, gloomy and cloudy inside. I may not even know it, or if I did, would not know how to express it. I never learnt to say a no or to ask for help.

Please. Gaze into my eyes a little deeper. See for yourself the demons tormenting me. Sit beside me. Breathe with me. Help me realize that I’m not lonely. You need not comfort me with words or deeds. Your presence will do me immense good.

Come, sit beside me atop the ledge, while we gaze at the endless expanse that is the sky. Our eyes taking in the colors of nature, while I occasionally get interrupted by your presence. There may be a fleeting thought striking my head that would nudge me to jump off the ledge into the abyss. But seeing you seated beside me, I would drop the idea because I’d hate to leave you alone.

I exhale, and breathe in the fresh air. I close my eyes. I’m not afraid, I’m not alone. I open my eyes and try to focus on the warm Sun that is slowly rising from the womb of mother nature.

I am.

I am happy to be.

Some companions have four legs

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Dogs. From those cute little Chihuahuas to the hefty boxers to the slender Shepherds; they’re all adorable. Nicknamed “a man’s best friend”, they truly live up to it. They know the language of love — unconditional love, love that does not consume but sacrifices everything. There are millions in this world who pet one dog or the other, some pet dozens. They say, you need to pet  a dog to know what it is to be with a dog. I agree with that. We may pet dogs for various reasons — heartbreak, the idea of feeling wanted, reciprocation of love, fantasy, competition, show-off, fun, and more. But, dogs let us pet them for only one reason and they expect only one thing from us. The answer for the former is love, while for the latter is care.

Dogs can be the most funny creatures. You just need an observant eye. At times, you can catch them running behind their own fluffy tails! While at other times, they’ll bark at their reflections (remember the story where the dog loses his bone because he barked at his reflection in the pond?). You go to dog shows and see all kinds of dogs, exquisite to raw to elegant. And there we will have some dogs who troll and photobomb other dogs just the way we would do at parties! You see those dogs who’ve been with their masters long enough to imitate them in their own ways (have you noticed how some dogs sit on their master’s couches and don’t budge a bit?). Ya ya, I have some photos (which I scrapped from random sites) to prove the points in this entire article (including those mentioned in this paragraph!) so just scroll through!
Some dogs are trained to bring newspapers, sit, run, bite, shit at right places, etc. While some dogs are trained to be the eyes of other people! Shepherds are trained to be the eyes of the visually challenged. Those dogs efficiently guide their blind masters throughout the city, while some have reported to have saved them from accidents and apartment-fires!  Some dogs are trained to be life-savers. Take St. Bernard for example. Those fluffy large dogs sniff out victims of avalanche from the debris and dig them out to give them a new lease of life. Man does things for a reason. What reason does the dog have to save strangers, the strangers who’ll not even give St. Bernard a cookie in return? Training is one reason. But the answer is partially right. Training is useless without perseverance and the will to act.
Talking of training, some dogs are trained to utilize their olfactory senses to their optimum level. They’re trained to be sniffers. Remember those movies where the leashed dog sniffs a piece of cloth and roams the entire town to find the heroine, only to let the hero take all the credits of finding  her? Remember the dog from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s “The sign of four”? Remember the movie scenes where they show dogs sniff out bombs, and RDX? Yes. All these have distinct smells, and they’re relentlessly trained to identify a chemical based on its scent and report it by barking incessantly. These dogs are placed in bomb squads and inevitably become family with the bomb-squads! So much is the attachment that the bomb squad arranges for a military cremation with full honors for their departed companion.
Tears run from my bulgy eyes as I type this. No, I don’t have a dog. But, I’ve petted stray ones outside the street. I’ve caught myself tapping their heads slowly and then suddenly miss a beat — only to see their expectant eyes shut waiting for the beat which never came. But, why in the world am I typing all of this? What’s the use? There will be anyways instances of atrocities committed on those mute creatures by both individuals and the agencies (govt. and pvt.), for reason as silly as loitering around without a leash. I’ve seen dogs run over by bikes, incarcerated in small  cages, rendered sterile unhygienically, earflaps sliced, and more. Nevertheless, they are our heroes 
(mine, at least!). They are our companions. Companions on four legs.