Tag Archives: nostalgia

I am happy to be

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Last Sunday, I got a message from my dear friend which made me smile from ear to ear.

It is words like these that I live for, that keeps me going.

I… I no longer think I’m lonely. I am proud to say it.

I prefer being left alone sometimes, but lonely? No. I’m not lonely anymore.

In all these years I lived and all the lives I shared my life with; I earned quite a handful of gold.

I earned a few tears that I hope will be shed when I depart.

I earned a shoulder or two to rest my head upon and silently cry.

I earned a lap where I could place my head and sleep a dreamless sleep like a child.

I… I earned compassion from strangers who held out their hands and pulled me out of the depths, not expecting anything in return but an assurance that I will live on.

I’ll be honest. I’m having trouble writing my thoughts, to the extent that I’m listening to ‘Start a riot‘ on loop for the past half hour just to keep myself in the zone. It’s been months together when I last wrote. I feel like starting to walk after lying in bed for a decade. A twitch at a time, a letter at a time.

I am finding myself again, finding my muse. And I’m alone in my journey, but not for a moment will I have to worry about being lonely. Because I am not. I have souls around me, far away from me, close to me and at the other side of the river – souls who care for me like I once cared for myself.

I am seeing the world around me with a fresh set of eyes. Sure, there are moments when I feel being pulled down in the darkness – when someone does not pick up the call, or when someone disapproves my request to get myself a chocolate – but I understand that I have to get back up and make my way down the untamed road like nothing happened. I will crawl out, dust myself, suit up, and continue walking on the road that leads to my father’s home.

I walk with an occasional slouch, but with my chin held up as I try to tap my feet in sync to the tune playing in my head.

I feel the Sun’s rays on my cheek and forehead. It comforts me. I look in the eyes of the Sun and smile. I bow to Him, smile again and continue walking, not caring whether people around me were watching me with bewilderment.

I am happy to be. I am.

I look back and see my people having my back. I feel extremely vulnerable, they know things about me which could destroy me. They have my kryptonite. Yet, I feel at peace with them. Even if they decide to throw a wrecking ball in my way, I’ll face it with open arms and watch it break my will and hope. Murphy’s Law.

It would be pretentious to even assume that my people will be with me for ever. When the night falls, even your shadow abandons you to become one with the darkness. But I’ll cherish their presence till the time they choose to stay. And I will be forever ready to help anyone in need.

It is true that a person lives for itself, that it’s very body breathes not for anyone else but itself. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t need that occasional warmth exuded by a bear hug.

I’m tired of being looked up to, sometimes. I don’t want to emulate anyone, I am a man of my own making – for a change, let me be without having to fulfil someone’s expectations.

Sometimes; it gets dark, gloomy and cloudy inside. I may not even know it, or if I did, would not know how to express it. I never learnt to say a no or to ask for help.

Please. Gaze into my eyes a little deeper. See for yourself the demons tormenting me. Sit beside me. Breathe with me. Help me realize that I’m not lonely. You need not comfort me with words or deeds. Your presence will do me immense good.

Come, sit beside me atop the ledge, while we gaze at the endless expanse that is the sky. Our eyes taking in the colors of nature, while I occasionally get interrupted by your presence. There may be a fleeting thought striking my head that would nudge me to jump off the ledge into the abyss. But seeing you seated beside me, I would drop the idea because I’d hate to leave you alone.

I exhale, and breathe in the fresh air. I close my eyes. I’m not afraid, I’m not alone. I open my eyes and try to focus on the warm Sun that is slowly rising from the womb of mother nature.

I am.

I am happy to be.

IIT-M, Democracy, and the right to VOTE

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Dr. Ambedkar walked down the aisle to take a sip of coffee. Nehru caught up fast with him.
I heard him say, “I know why we all are here. But, I don’t know why this strange looking guy is here?”. Ambedkar asked, “Who are talking about ji?”
“Arey, that guy with glasses on, and that strange looking blue pant which is tore on all sides. . And look at the kind of shirt! No collars at all! And he didn’t even touch Bapu’s feet!”, replied Nehru anxiously.
Ambedkar smirked and shrugged. Ambedkar saw the guy coming towards Nehru. He bid a quick farewell and vanished from the scene
That guy went to Nehru and asked, “Ask me about me. . Why ask anybody else?”. “Ok. . Who are you?”, Nehru asked. “Wrong question. The question should be ‘where are you?’. .”, the guy replied.
“Huh? Alright. where am I?”, asked Nehru distraught. “You are a part of my dream. I have a quiz on parliamentary democracy to attend tomorrow. So, you are invited here to help me out”, the guy replied. “Oh, so your name is Vk!”
********
“Oye! Wake up! How long will you sleep!”, mom shouted.
“Arey yaar! I was about to talk to Nehru!”, I remarked half-awake.
My one eye saw the clock, the other eye was sealed by mucous. Time was 7 am. Oh, it’s only 7 am. I need to be in IIT-M by 11 am. Let’s sleep a li’l more. I swear I closed my eyes only for 2 minutes. . But, the bullock cart called time suddenly got a rocket outta nowhere, and the time was 8 am!
I slipped my body in a worn out jeans — the torn blue jeans — and wore a kurta (with a collar! 😛 ) and off I ran to the bus stop. Come bus, and I’m en route IIT-M. 
*where was I when the rockets came to life, and carried you away into the Aligator Sky!*
*Shoot me down, but I wont fall. . Cos I’m Titanium!*
*Darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. . I’ll love you for a thousand more*

*Aaja chanda bahon me, tujh me hi me kho jau. . Teri aarti mein utaru. . Saiyaan!!!*
Those, and more, were the kinds of songs I was listening to, and singing all the way. This hag sitting next to me was staring at me all along. What do I care?!
Nostalgia crept in; I was here at this place in 2008. 6 years passed. IIT did not change. I did. I grew taller, hairier, and franker. All the trees, the shrubs, overhanging roots, buttresses, the deers bore a sense of timeless change. What would they care of time!
********
So, I am outside the gates of IIT. Nostalgia gone, paving way for nervousness. I caught up with my teammates. One male and the other female. Apparently, an other friend of mine was to come and participate in the quiz. His team was already in the venue. We registered at the reception desk. I broke the ice with the receptionist, Sahil. “How many teams are you expecting?” “About 50. . optimistic”, came his reply. I remarked, “Balance of probability?”. He smirked.
We were in the venue. We were given free lunch coupons (spoiler alert: the lunch was amazing! *yum*). The prelims were supported to start at 11 am. 4 teams were there. The time of quiz was postponed to 11:45 am. I sensed a hustle. The other 2 teams were busy with their smart phones and smartest phones. Within 20 minutes — believe me — 12 teams joined in. Most of them who joined had unkempt faces, were on shorts. “Hostelers”, my team mate hissed. The hosts had called their friends from the hostel to increase the crowd! 😀
The quiz started. It was good. But we lost by 1 point margin. “Which is the oldest existing system of government in India?” was the question. We marked municipalities as the answer, fully knowing that cities emerged only after villages. We lost a point. The correct answer was panchayat system. Ya ya, you can heartily laugh over it. We laughed too!
I’m not gonna mention the parts where it is evident that the quizmasters were biased towards the host’s teams. Neither am I gonna mention the fact that the contest’s 1st prize and 2nd prize went to the host’s teams.
What mattered was exposure. Must say, the questions selected were excellently researched. Did you know that a concept called “postal voting” was mooted for the armies? Did you know that Gujarat has a system of elections wherein voters can vote from their respective homes! We were enthralled to be part of this event. . 🙂
One of the teams was asked a very difficult question. “What are the 3 kinds of sessions which take place in the parliament every year? One of them is winter session”. The team couldn’t answer it. The other team passed the question.
“Who coined the slogan ‘Jai Hind’ ?”. “Subhash Chandra Bose”, was one of the team’s reply. The quizmaster remarked, “I did not ask the name of the leader who popularized the slogan”. The team had a facepalm moment. The answer is Shenbagaramar Pillai.
Apparently, the cholas (rulers of a part of S. India of 7th century AD) had a system called Kudagali system, as per which village people elected their representatives. It was very much similar to the present day elections. Only difference is that Cholas did not have EVMs.
The program was fun. The climax moment came when we met Mr. Gopalaswami, former Chief Election Commissioner of India. This man — so energetic, so outright — was frank enough to discuss the niceties of his views on electoral reforms. We were curious enough to keep him engaged for a good 15 minutes.
The winners were announced. The NGO and associations which helped organize the event spoke their views. The aim to keep such a programme was to spread awareness amongst youngsters, and to inspire them to vote.
It is true. One should exercise their ultimate right as a citizen of India, the right to vote. You may think, “what will happen with my one vote?”. Parties can be toppled out of power. A completely new face could be the Chief Minister. That one index finger of yours, that stain over your nail and skin are testimony to the fact that you have been given the most valuable opportunity — to change the fate of the world’s largest democracy.
24th of April. Chennai goes to vote. You whistle for the CSK, use your fingers and thumbs incessantly for typing texts. Go ahead, let that index finger serve it’s prime purpose.
Ready! Steady! Vote!
Then come back home and sleep (c’mon. . You’ll be tired after pressing that button)!
********
P.S. One demanding request. Do let me know your feedback on how I write. There is not much to debate on. I seldom write on social issues. I don’t know whether my articles are like a breath of fresh air to you, or something better/worse than that! So, do let me know. If it’s an appreciation, I’d be glad to oblige. If it’s a flaw, I’d be glad to rectify. If it’s a joke on my article, I’d be glad to laugh with you!
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